Tuesday, May 25, 2010

things that gross me out: round 1

Hi fashionable sister,

First off, thanks for making me look all snazzy in that motorboard up there. You look pretty cute in your hat, too. If I only I would actually look like that tomorrow ... and now that I've tried my regalia on, I just want to know - why do we have to sport the hoods if we don't actually get to wear them on our heads? They just look like dino tails, poking out like that in the back.

Anyway ... and unrelatedly ... I thought you should know that, while getting ready to leave Boston, I compiled the following list of things that grossed me out in my three years there:
1. blisters
2. cigarettes
3. how pantry moth larva look SO MUCH like cooked rice
4. the oil that congeals around kalamata olives when you leave the jar in the fridge too long
5. leggings worn as pants

Now, I've spared you photos on all the rest, but I do have some visual evidence for this last one:

Please notice the following:
-cargo pants are the "black sheep" of the family; no one is really sure how they got into the "every day use" side of the family
-some offspring appear to be so closely related that they are often mistaken for each other (kind of like you and me). See: micro/mini skirt, short shorts and cut offs, etc.
-some offspring have spawned further offspring: panties, for example, now exist in a refreshing variety of options, of which I have here only indicated two.
-some offspring have spawned further offspring with each other, "boxer briefs" being the prime (incestuous) situation.
-some offspring look like they belong to one family, when they are actually part of another (as in, someone was sleeping with the mailman ...) Skorts, for example.
Oh, and leggings. LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

It has now been definitively proven.
your about-to-be-hood-and-motorboard-ed sister

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