Sunday, February 27, 2011

Dear Sister,

This is going to be short, as I am currently doing an impression of Rudolf while simultaneously hacking up my lungs. (Translation: I have a head cold, and I'm not happy about it.)

I was going to write to you about chicken guts, and find some sort of website the determines once and for all if those organs of question in your chicken roasting adventure were the kidneys or the gullet cut in two, but...Well, I can't find anything straight forward and quite frankly I can't stomach any more chicken gut images. And so, I will let you duke it out with Grandma. Good luck.

I think that's it for now. My brain isn't really functioning properly (point in case: I just wrote probably instead of properly and then fixed it). Back to bed-- er, sleep, for me. I haven't really been out of bed much except to go to work.

It snowed again here this week. I'm just saying, this is not funny anymore. Why am I getting all the snow?

your red-nosed sister

Thursday, February 3, 2011

rules for the road

Dear sister,
After much brave and often harrowing experimentation, I have been able to ascertain the following set of rules for driving in this, my new state of residence (not that I've changed my license yet or anything, though).

1. Plowing is a process, not an end goal. Don’t expect to see tar or pavement until, roughly, June.

2. Therefore, silly things like lane markings and turn-only arrows aren’t to be followed. Instead, follow the ice-ruts.

3. Also due to the omnipresent layer of ice on the roads, stopping for a red light is encouraged but not expected. Slowing down for a yellow light is more or less a ridiculous idea.

While fairly widely followed, none of the above driving rules explain these people's near-ubiquitous preference for:
1. passing on the right
2. drive-through espresso huts
3. vanity plates

And don’t even get me started on the “choose-your-adventure” ice arenas that qualify as parking lots.

A list of top 10 vanity plate sightings to follow soon.

your white-knuckled, that’s-ok-I’ll-just-stay-at-home-today sister