Report from the field
The following is a transcript of text messages, sent by Agent Sealey while engaged in conversation with the primary focus of Operation NightCrawler, StrongDad.
"StrongDad got tomato and pea plants, and he's going to try and grow better ones than GrandmaBird and BeachMama, just to drive them crazy."
"He wants to know how your tomato and pea plants are doing."
"StrongDad is very excited about his gardening."
"He is singing inch by inch, row by row, all I need is a garden hoe."
"He keeps saying, 'right here looks good,' and I said, 'there are plants there already,' and he said, 'I'll move them!'"
"And now he is stealing dirt from other parts of PecanMama's garden. He's going to smooth it over so she doesn't notice. This is f'ing hilarious."
"Well that's not 24 inches apart, that's 6 inches. I don't think they really need that. That's for novices."
"No, Grandma asked him if he planted his tomato and pea plants yet ... and he thought it was such an absurd question that he got himself some."
"Oh no, he plans to beat them. This is competitive gardening."
"Dad says gardening is like parenting: plant them and then f it, they're on their own."
"Hey, look at me, see this? I'm an organic gardener. I have bamboo stakes for my tomato plants. That's a little trick us organic gardeners use."