Wednesday, August 11, 2010

eh ... i'm still alive, i swear

Hi sister,

Ok, so the summer always turns out to be busier than expected. The film festival is over, and was a wonderful experience in that it reminded me why I got out of the business the first time around. No nostalgia on that front anymore. I saw one movie out of the 100 or so we screened that week, but it was a good one, and I'm glad I caught it because it probably won't get the kind of distribution that would bring it to our used-to-be-a-mall-and-is-now-a-couple-of-stores-and-a-Walmart. So anyway, now it's just the normal summer crazy at the bakery, instead of the summer crazy + I-take-on-an-extra-job-for-two-weeks-in-a-field-I-swore-I-wouldn't-ever-return-to crazy. This should mean I make it to the beach at least once in a while. And maybe that I hold up my end of the bargain we made to each blog once a week.

Since I'm just now resurfacing from not having slept for a week, I'm just going to give you a rundown of a conversation that happened last month when I attempted to change my oil, with the help of SuperTiger brother. (Well, not MY oil, since I'm a human, obvi, but the oil within my vehicle.)

So. After several false starts (ST brother: Hey Aila, can you teach me how to drive stick today? me: No, because I shouldn't be driving it at all until I change the oil. ST brother: Oh, ok. Maybe we can do that tomorrow? - a day or two passes - ST brother: Hey, can we drive the truck today? Aila: No. Oil change. ST brother: oh, yeah. - a day or two later - ST brother: Hey ... are you free? Can you teach me to drive the truck?) I got off work and camped out at the house until ST brother himself got off work. He'd forgotten we'd made plans to do the oil that day, which I'd accounted for and added time into the schedule accordingly. He canceled on his friends ("planning fail, guys, my bad") and I waited while he changed his clothes. And talked with StrongDad about (what else?) soccer. And decided that he needed to speak only French with me this summer, because that way he'd learn French better, and he'd be able to communicate with the Haitian guys on his soccer team. Whatever.

After a reasonable amount of time has passed, SuperTiger brother and I arrive at Autozone. (Actually, first I had to explain to him that we needed to leave the house. ST brother: Why? Aila: Because we're changing the oil. ST brother: (blank stare) Aila: And I don't carry around 4 quarts of fresh oil with me at all times. ST brother: Oh, right.)

Aila: Ok, ST brother, we need to figure out which oil filter to get. I never remember.
ST brother: Right. Whoa ... are those all steering wheel covers?
Aila: Um, yes. So, we look in this catalogue/book/thingy to find the make of the ...
ST brother: Whoa! A Tweety bird steering wheel cover!
Aila: ... vehicle ...
ST brother: Check it out -- Tazmanian devil steering wheel cover?!?
Aila: Super Tiger brother! Over here! Help me figure this out!
ST brother: Right.
Aila: I think this is the number we want ... can you find it?
ST brother: Sure. Where?
Aila: Over there.
ST brother: Whoa! Seat covers! With Tinkerbell on them!
Aila: Hello - filter number -
ST brother: Yeah. But seriously, I should buy this.
Aila: No, you shouldn't.
ST brother: Yeah, I'm totally going to buy this. I'm going to put it in Beachmom's car. Don't you think she'd find that funny?
Aila: I think you'd find it funny.
ST brother: Yeah, she probably wouldn't get it. What if I put it in StrongDad's car?
Aila: I don't think he'd notice.
ST brother: Hm. I'll just buy it for (male friend's) birthday, then.
Aila: Ok. So we can come back then. In the meantime, help me find the ...
ST brother: Whoa! Look at this!

(At this point, I abandon him for several minutes while I get the filter and the right kind of oil. Then ... )

Aila: Super Tiger Brother! Leave that alone and come help me carry these oil quarts.
ST brother: But it's like a sled, with wheels!
Aila: It's for people to get under their cars.
ST brother: Do you have one of these?
Aila: No. I use cardboard.
ST brother: Huh. If I had one of these, I'd use it to go down steep hills.
Aila: Well, lucky for all of us you don't have one.
ST brother: ... I could get one ... (mostly to himself)
Aila: No, you can't. Help me carry these.
ST brother: Okay. Whoa! Look at that! It's shiny!

(Seriously. He actually said that. Five minutes later ...)

Aila: Super Tiger Brother, I'm leaving the store now. You can walk home, or you can come with me now.
ST brother: I'm coming ... Aila, how did I not know about this store before? Autozone is the coolest place ever. Whoa! What is that?!?

(I drag him past the display by the door, whatever it was, and get him home. Many minutes later, he has dug up some cardboard from the garage and we are under the car, trying to loosen the bolt on the oil container. By this point, he has remembered his original plan to only speak French with me.)

ST Brother: Et, qu'est-ce que tu fais maintenant?
Aila: ST brother, I don't know French auto mechanic vocabulary.
ST Brother: Je sais. Je souviens ... le mot pour "oil" ... parce que je faisais un projet sur le "oil spill" pour l'ecole ...
[Editor's note: I'm not going to try to figure out how to do accents on here. Also, I'm trying to capture the French of an 11th grader, so bear with the grammar of these sentences.)
Aila: Ok.

(Eventually, we head inside because I'm having trouble loosening the oil filter and need to give the truck a minute to cool down. StrongDad is in the kitchen with us.)
StrongDad: I know how to speak French.
Aila: Oh, heavens.
StrongDad: No, really. Je cogitare, je suis.
ST brother: What does that mean?
Aila: Cogitare is Latin for "to think." Strong Dad is trying to say "je pense."
ST brother: But what does the whole thing mean?
Aila: StrongDad's trying to say "I think, therefore I am."
StrongDad: Only I don't know the word for "therefore" ... so I only said "I think, I am." Ha! I think I am!
ST brother: Oh.
StrongDad: Je cogitare, ergo je suis!
Aila: I'm going back outside now.

(Fast forward far too many minutes ... I am back under the truck, trying again to loosen the bolt. ST brother is with me.)

StrongDad: Hey ST brother, did you feed the pets?
Aila: ST brother, StrongDad's talking to you.
ST brother: Quoi?
StrongDad: Did you feed the dog?
ST brother: Oui!
StrongDad: Did you give him his medicines?
ST brother: Oui!
StrongDad: All three of them?
ST brother: Trois?
StrongDad: Deux?
ST brother: Un?
StrongDad: Un?
ST brother: Un!

It was at this point that I more or less gave up. The twenty minute oil change took about an hour and a half ... and created this incredibly long blog post.

Welcome home!

Your sister

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