There was a vlogbrothers video, a while ago, in which one of the brothers read aloud a series of open letters he had written to various people, and things, in his life. It made me laugh.
Lately I've been thinking of the open letters that I would like to write. Today, while weeding, I wrote a few in my head, and then I laughed at them, and then I thought ... hey, Ella would probably laugh at these too. So, here you go.
Open letter to the 12 million and ten (approx) alfalfa plants I pulled out of the strawberry patch today:
Dear Alfalfa plants,
It's not that I don't like the way you grow up so straight and tall, or the way you roll in gentle waves as the wind passes over you. I don't even mind the seed pods you've grown ever so carefully, and abundantly, and which you so freely share with the world whenever anything wanders, or blows, your way. And I'm sure that I would greatly appreciate the satisfying crunch of your grains in my mouth, if I were a horse.
But the thing is, I'm not. We don't actually have one, either, and, try as I might, the dog is not interested in eating your seeds. (He prefers dandylions.) And the other thing is, you're growing in the strawberry patch. And you're scattering your seeds all over the place. So, it's nothing personal, but you had to go.
I bet you're sorry about this, but trust me - not as sorry as I am.
Open letter to my back:
Dear my back,
I'm so sorry about today. Let's get a good night's sleep and talk about this again in the morning. Ok?
I've got some more coming, but don't hold your breath too eagerly, because, well, my back hurts and I'm going to lie down.
your I-weed-like-it's-my-job-oh-wait-it-is-right-now sister